TippEx
You began as a blank sheet.
By the time he'd finished
writing your life
you wished his pencil led head
had had an eraser,
so he wouldn't have
scribbled all over you
or left
trails of white stuff
denying, scarring,
what was.
Just his practice sheet.
A discarded rough copy
of his Sermon on the Mount.
By the time he'd finished
writing your life
you wished his pencil led head
had had an eraser,
so he wouldn't have
scribbled all over you
or left
trails of white stuff
denying, scarring,
what was.
Just his practice sheet.
A discarded rough copy
of his Sermon on the Mount.
Labels: electronica, experimental, experimental music, free mp3, free music, kiwi music, music and poetry, NZ, nz music, nz poetry, poetry
posted by Crunchy Weta at 5:40 PM
19 Comments:
this brings up a lot of images.
"or left
trails of white stuff"
I really like this. thank you :)
You're welcome. (i'm sure you noted the title a type of correction fluid ;-).Yes of course you did - it is all a pretty obvious image really, but I like the way the title plays out in so many ways, as does the sirman on the mount bit . etc etc
why am I explaining!!?%#@
Ignore all that stuff before.
You're welcome. Thanks for your comments.
no way I'll ignore. I like it when someone explains the process or the thought or the idea :)
OK well just this once I'll go into it a bit more then...
blank sheet.. sheet has reference to both beds and paper, The blank part brings to my mind a person who is kind of happy to let others "organise" their life.
The next line introduces a character and personalizes the paper.
Writing your life, the (lets say) woman has allowed him to dictate her life.
pencil led head - note the purposeful misspelling of lead. This allows incorporating both the image of a pencil lead but also the idea of a man led by his errm pencil.
Had had -apart from grammar, I liked the way this sounded with led head. The eraser can be eraser or perhaps could be symbolic of a condom - which could open up the meaning of the kind of mistakes made. This could also possibly mesh further on with the image of scarring (stretchmarks?)
Scribbled all over you- keeping the writing image alive but alluding to some form of mistreatment of the woman.All over you- also infers how he feelsregards her
or left - I gave this a line of its own so that it opens up the possibility of his having gone, but also can be read as part of the next line. Also it resonates aurally with 'all over' from previous line
trails of white stuff - Superficially the tippex, but could reference either semen or perhaps an illicit drug.
Denying, scarring - Tippex covering what was written, alluding to resultant personal turmoil from a break up - the denials in arguments, the denying of love (both past and present), the denial of breaking promises etc. The scarring from such arguments , both physically and emotionally and/or possible image of stretchmarks.
What was - liked the alliteration. Possible meanings includ the love they had(at least from her perspective). Perhaps an allusion to a significant event such as an abortion?
Just his practice sheet - Just adds the element of only that and nothing more, insignificance. Practice sheet - He used her for sex, with no intention of anything more. Perhaps he fashioned his ability to manipulate women on her?
Discarded rough copy - Superficially a draft copy etc. Metaphorically he dumped her as she was never his ultimate ideal partner.Rough conjures its own imagery- you fill it in.Perhaps her feeling about herself.
Sermon on the Mount - When spoken it sounds a bit like Sir Man on the Mount. Kind of his attitude toward her. However it also references the biblical story which is kind of about gilded lilies and the meek inheriting the Earth etc- which in many ways represents the woman's role in this story. She was meek and allowed him to do whatever, thinking that ultimately reward would come to her.
The title TippEx appealed because it referenced the correction fluid and could be sort of like Dump Ex- ie forget about him. Also tipp could be like tip as in a bit of advice.
OK so there you have it. Won't be doing this again!
As you can see I like ambiguity a little. It allows the reader to bring something to the party.
PS Its all a fictional account and in no way autobiographical!
Love the explanation!!!!
By the way, have you had a change of weta?
Hey very observant one. Same weta different view. I like this one more cos its eyeballing you.
Very nice! Reminds me of something I've wrote, but never posted:
Void of ink and lead
Pencil shavings shed
Pens drink drawn dry
Crumpled papers fly
high on whiteout paste
Pink erasers erased
Manic mind yields
to fields of empty
canvas space
wow, love the explanation. and what I read was really in that realm. no wonder it reached me. I want to go on and draw the parallels but,
I should be working right now...
do it, do it again :)
Nothing like a good um, well maybe I better not say. Marvellously understated. 8^D C-ya
Bob
Hi Leigh, travis Bob and Swan, Thanks for your comments.
I'm going to add a little more, mainly about the process.
Having some spare quite timeof an evening< Ihead out the back door with a cigarette,pen and paper and have decided to write a poem rather than watch crap TV or do a crossword or read or whatever. Some line usually comes to me pretty quickly and the rest flow from that and I write them down. I usually end up with some nice images and some poetic devices by this point. Next I edit it into a more poetic form with a bit more thought given (10 minutes for this one- sometimes I leave them overnight and look at them the next day). I think on the whole though that poems usually come pretty quickly from the subconscious.
OK for example here is the first rough draft (;-) of this poem..
You began as his blank sheet(of paper)
By the time he finished writing your life
You wished his pencil had an eraser
so he wouldnt have left
all those white lies
hiding the blemishes(the reality)(beauty?)
of what was
You were his practice sheet
A tattered rough copy.
I then made the changes as per final copy. I kind of liked where it ended, but then felt it needed to reveal a little about his character. The Sermon on the Mount just leaped straight into my conscious so I added it having considered if that was the right thing for it. I kind of liked it having a slight shock effect- who was this man? A religious guy?? It kind of revealed a duplicity about his nature , a deceitful holier than thou attitude.
ANyway, as you can see their is a subconscious stream at work initiaLLy, then some conscious refinement, and I allow for bits of inspiration to hit the sheets as well. Then I put it up on my blog and move straight on to the next one.
Swan, as I can't stand to see someone beg, I have consented to do this one more time :-P.. check out "From one drip two.. It is just a small piece full of smartarsedness which was passed over commentless.
Umm sorry Travis
Why sorry Crunchy Weta?
Travis, I gave your name in the last post uncapitalised.. some people could take offence. It was careless of me :-)
Phew! Oh to have more spare time!!
LOL Leigh.. spare time usually consists of sometime after 11pm.
I loved following the process of producing this particular piece. It should resonate within those who felt they were used one way or another by a "loved one".
We, at least, hope to be blank canvases when we start something new with someone. Yet, too often, we keep committing the same mistake of attracting those who are equipped with tippex. Or perhaps, right from the very beginning, it wasn't even a blank canvas at all but a canvas that *seemed* to be blank.
Cecilia..
I have transformed myself IN THE ZERO OF FORM and dragged myself out of the rubbish-filled pool of academic art. I have torn through the blue lampshade of colour limitations, and come out into the white. I have conquered the lining of the Heavenly, have torn it down and making a bag, put in colours and tied it with a knot. Sail forth! The white, free chasm, infinity is before us.
- Kasimir Malevich, Essays on Art
I have seen only a couple of his white paintings, and against all expectations they completely blew me away. The edge he puts on white!
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